Sunday, July 31, 2011

The Sandusky Hospice...

For some reason even though I have never actually been to Sandusky, Ohio, I dreamed I worked at a hospice there, because it was the only place that would hire me full time. I helped people and made them laugh and on bring your daughter to work day my girl Isabelle went with me and we walked hand-in-hand around from room to room and bed to bed making people smile at the end of their lives and she spoke her first words that day...
She said, "I want pretzels!"
and of course then I woke up...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Teaching Horror...

Last night I dreamed I was hired to teach horror to upcoming writers at an art college of some sort... So my fiance and I went down there and there was this long lecture i went thru where I explained how to build tension and suspense by way of citing examples in Grimm's fairy tales and John Carpenter's the Thing.. the lecture went great and we were in some warehouse where they were supplementing the colleges income by selling books... this kid who had been at the lecture came up to Laura and I while we were sitting eating lunch and watching these poor grad students packing and shipping books to ask me if i could make learning about Greek tragedies fun like I had horror.  I was reading some comics and showing him some examples in "Knights of the Dinner Table" when his professor came up, the guy looked like a combination of Sebastian bach from skid row and david hyde pierce from frasier.. and he was pissed that I was trying to teach his student better than he could or some shit and was ranting and raving and screaming he was gonna get me fired and what not...
then I woke up...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My Mind...

Last night I dreamed once more that I was given the chance to make a TV show out of a blog I wrote with my friend Victor, called Hicks in the Apocalypse. found here...

http://hicksintheapocalypse.wordpress.com/2009/10/03/the-flash/

Sadly they were fucking it up and I spent most of the dream running around the set screaming at people to stop fucking up my story while my friend and co-author Victor smoked huge cigars and drank scotch and told me to stop worrying about it so much... needless to say I was pretty angry when I woke up from this fiasco, why does my subconscious do this sorta thing to me all the time... its like hey here is a dream come true for ya pal... now I am gonna take a dump on it... enjoy...

Monday, July 4, 2011

Mech Crew...

Last night I dreamed I worked on a Mech Carrier and my crew and I serviced a squad of Mech called the Hillary Spanx. We fought in a war against some aliens with squid heads and otherwise perfect female bodies. There was only two males born per million squid girls born so they worshiped males... turns out human sperm worked for them... so they invaded... it was such an anime dream and I havent even watched an anime in over a year now. I am going to have to use this as the basis of a novel, it was very fun. I had three women on the maintenance crew with me and one of them was my fiance and the other two were in love with each other. We found out that some slimy politician had signed a treaty with the aliens to supply them with as much sperm as they wanted if they would honor a cease fire. Our carrier and all the other forces were ordered to stand down. My fiance and I didn't want my sperm to be collected and used by these aliens and so we jumped overboard and swam for it... that was when I woke up...

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Bizarro job...

All right so last night I dreamed that I work in publishing Bizarro books, but while eraserhead is on the 8th floor of the building along with avant punk, and deadite press, the rest of the imprints go down in floors and then get to the lowest level, which was the imprint that I ran, on the first floor. Scabby Goat Waffle books was the imprint I ran, and I came to work everyday in this huge Cadillac from the '70s it was convertible and pink... Two of my employees were even bigger Carlton Mellick fans than I am and they were trying to grow out their mutton chops but only to pitiful effect. I would get there in the morning, which it seems important to note that the two guys who I car pool with to work each day always ask me to stop at this or that store to get this or that to eat or drink and I always agree and tell them that sounds great lets do it. and then I never stop and just haul ass right to work...But when I get there in the morning I would always see people getting set up for their presentations for one of the imprints up on the higher floors, and I would gaze in wonder at how fancy they were because the people who send me stuff to try to get it published, usually sent it in a shabby manilla envelope often with food and blood stains on it. I did get to sit in a morning meeting with the heads of each floor with Rose OKeefe but she was always so busy talking with the cool dept heads from the other floors that I never get a chance to even get within 12 feet of her. She once waved at me as the elevator doors closed though... I swear she did..

Monday, June 20, 2011

Flooded Garage...

Last night I dreamed that I worked at a large newspaper downtown, they have a huge underground parking lot. In the lot there is only one level that is on the ground floor the other three levels are under ground, well the parking garage floods. It is filled up with dark murky water and alot of people lost their cars down in there. They have a structural engineer come out and he cannot figure out how to drain the water since they don't know where it came from in the first place, they also don't know why it flooded now instead of years ago when they first put the thing in. So then everyone is taking turns with this wetsuit one of the execs bought and diving down to their car and grabbing cd's and such. Of course there is something in the water, and it yanks the scuba mask off of this lady while she is down there. Just as she turns to see what it was that grabbed her ...I wake up

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Washed-Out Comic Pancakes...

So last night I had a two part dream that first involved me selling a ton of novels and getting pretty rich, well rich enough to never have to work again anyhow. So I was somehow at a huge banquet charity dinner type thing and all of these obnoxious rich people were there, including Paris Hilton and her parents. (I don't know if she has parents or anything about them but the guy in my dream who played her dad was a cross between the professor from Gilligan's island and the monopoly man) So her dad liked my book and he asks me when it is going to be made into a movie. I tell him that at the moment there is no movie option for the book. He tells me that is a damn shame and that since he had bought a movie production company for his daughter, so he could pretend she was an actress, that he could swing a deal my way. I say that would be great and he tells me to come by his house and bring my lawyer and agent and we can talk it through. Well that is great but he then turns and goes on talking with other crazy rich people and I cannot get him to notice me again, because in the dream I have no clue where he lives and no idea who might be able to tell me how to get there. In the dream I take off after that once I see Paris, her sister and two of their friends drop their dresses to the floor revealing bikinis underneath which they use to jump into this big wading pool in the lobby of the place.
So I get out of there and it was so dumb that it almost woke me up because the next thing I know I am driving home but I decide that I am hungry so I flip it around and go to try to find a place to eat.... mind you I just came from a charity dinner but the food was all french and such tiny portions that I didn't feel like I had eaten at all.
I find an Ihop and I stop there, they tell me that it will be forty five minutes to seat me, and I am laughing and turning to leave when a big loud voice rises over the hub-bub of the place shouting my name. I turn around and I see this guy frantically waving at me, it is my old friend Fred. Now I have not seen Fred since 1996, when he dropped off the map completely. In my dream Fred wasn't just a guy who did video production with me, he was a guy who did open mic nights with me back before my novel hit. We had both washed out of stand-up comedy completely but old Fred still remembered me. Now when I knew him in life old Fred was clean shaven except for this thick C.H.I.P.s mustache but no beard for the most part, that I recall and sorta metal with ya know Megadeth tshirts and what not. In my dream Fred has grown out the biggest most moth-eaten wino-beard you have ever seen in your life. He has me sit down across from him and he says
"Hey man I saw you standing there and I thought well, I don't mind a little catching up from the old days, but tell me are you a waiter now?" Fred asks, eying me as I sit down across from him.
"No, I am not a waiter, I was just at a charity fundraiser and it was black-tie, yeah back in the old stand-up days I never would have thought I would own a tux," I reply.
"Oh here is the food, right on time," He says, and we both lean back at the waitress arrives with two huge stacks of pancakes.
She places the pancakes on the table between us and and smiles and starts to move off,
"Hey keep 'em coming and another plate of pancakes for my friend here," he tells her, she nods back at him and vanishes into the crowd.
"While she is bringing you some food dig into this stack here," He says.
Strangely he has slid both stacks of pancakes off of their plates and onto the table itself. I look at him and he explains that he likes to eat as wee were meant to eat.
He then sets aside the knife and fork, and he pours syrup over both stacks of pancakes right on the table and he reaches over to one and tears off a little bit of the top one and pops it into his mouth and then noisily licks off his fingers. I just stare at him in horror, and he continues to ignore me and smack his lips around the pancakes and make all kindsa yummy noises and lick the syrup off his fingers like he is a chick in a porn licking a cock, by jamming his fingers into his mouth and moaning around each one, like he is roughly fingering his own mouth.
Needless to say this was so gross it woke me...I don't think I want to ever eat pancakes again....

Friday, June 10, 2011

The Celebrity Move...

Last night I dreamed that after 42 years my mom was leaving my dad and needed help moving her stuff into her new house. For some reason the house looked exactly like my grandparents old house back in Muncie, Indiana. Also for some reason an old friend of mine from Tulsa was there helping us move mom as well. His name is Casper except that even though when you were right next to him and such he was just the same as always, from a distance of even three feet away he was replaced by D.L. Hughley... So D.L. brought a ton of his Hollywood friends over to help the move and it was amazing, except that once you got closer than 3 feet from them they turned from celebrities into normal folks who just wanted to help mom move... Mel Gibson (circa road warrior), Jeffrey Combs, Bruce Campbell, Kurt Russell, Dolly Parton, Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Tina Fey, Elizabeth Shue, Jane Curtain, Catherine O'Hara, and Robert Rodriguez, were just a few of the people that showed up... except it really wasn't them once you got close to them...

it was really bizarre...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Bizarro Dogs...

So last night I dreamed that dogs rebelled against us and tried to take over the world, some of the dogs however were traitors to the dog cause because they loved to have their bellies scratched. One lab in particular got into our human compound on the pretense that he was a belly rub lover and  once he got in and got belly rubs from all of us, he shit out to full-grown live boars who went ballistic and started killing everyone.... it was surreal...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Sith Academy

So I dreamed last night that my old junior high school was actually now a jedi Academy and it was translocated to the base of this huge cliff on top of which were the ruins of my old elementary school which was a former Sith academy now closed. The reason was that the government had decided to not play favorites and to make the school to house both types of students but the fighting was uncontrolable so they separated the beliefs into two separate schools and that was no better because then the Sith and Jedi would raid each others schools. So when I arrived we were going up to the Sith academy ruins to look for any survivors because rumor had it that the last Sith was being kept there semi-alive... And he was indeed he was dead but being held restrained and there was this panel on the wall that was holding him there. well it got hit with a lightsaber, possibly mine and he woke up. so then we spent like 20 minutes stabbing him in the head with our lightsabers and having him instantly heal the damage and wake back up. it was wild... he of course got away a few minutes later... and when someone asked what his name had been so we would know who to chase down.. it ended up that his name was my name... and I woke up...

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Skinned Monkey...

For some reason last night I dreamed about getting invited out to my friend David Dunwoody's house, and when I got there It turned out there were several other authors I know invited out as well. Rhiannon Frater, Johnathan Moon, Tim Long, Derek Goodman, Stephen North, Robert Best and myself all arrive in different taxi's like in clue. It is one of those strange houses out in the mountains that is built into the side of a mountain, with well more than half the house underground. There is a note on the front door that says come on in...We open the door and there is a hallway before us with an archway with a huge lush kitchen to our left and another archway to the right with a well appointed living room beyond it. There on a cart in the living area was a half dozen liquor bottles and such and we went in there and poured ourselves some drinks. Looking around the room Johnathan calls us all over to a set of black-stained wooden shelves just past the couch and along the back wall of the room. There is a dome-topped glass container on the wall and within it is a curious greyish liquid in the heart of which floats what can only be described as a skinless monkey...

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Strange Rifts...

Last night I dreamed that my old job was now a body shop for strange model race cars, including demolition derby and a robotwars car race hybrid...that was pretty fucking amazing. in which cars with strange armored turrets on top would race around a track while the swinging wrecking balls on top of the turrets would smash into each other. The brackets were made up by weight, it was incredible. Under the guise of finding out information about the armor on one of their cars I was sent over there to actually seal a dimensional rifts in their break-room that lead to the Githyanki astral-realm... it was very weird... and amazing...

Monday, May 23, 2011

Alien Invasion... Again.

This is the 5th or 6th time I have had this dream.
I am having a good week because Laura and Isabelle are down from Canada, Then there is a ship that lands and tries to let us know that they are going to take our earth from us. They are strange mottled-grey things, basically humanoid in shape but with overlapping plates of thickened skin that serve as protection. As we are sitting there in our apartment we get a knock on the door, An army officer is there asking that I come and fight with them. He tell me that I was honorably discharged and that I have a class one marksmen rating on my service record. I tell him there must be some mistake that I never have been in the military. He assures me that I have been in and he gives me a bracelet with all of my clearance information in case we decide to take shelter with the military instead of hiding out on our own. Then after he leaves the sky grows dark and hundreds of huge ships appear in the sky. They have flashing beams of light on their underbellies, each one beaming down an invader. Laura looks at it for about two seconds and says, you need to go get some guns for us. I tell her I dont want to leave them and she says fine we will go together. So we gather up the baby and head down to the local military encampment. It is bustling with hundreds of soldiers and trucks. They are firing artillery at the hovering ships. Laura and I get through the outer perimeter with my bracelet and she goes off to find the mess tent while she sends me to go get some guns, alot of them. So I go over to the line and by the time I get there they go to scan my arm and pull me out of line. They take me up to this Lieutenant who tells me that I need a DNA-cypher injection to get inside the weapons facility. I tell him that I have a class one rating as a marksman and that I was told I could get guns to fight them. He starts telling me and his cling-ons how is it that everyone shows up as a marksmen lately and that perhaps they gave out that rating too easily. I tell him to look up, and I point out the ships still hovering overhead steadily beaming down soldier after soldier. I tell him that I want to fight them, I tell him that its my job, and to let me do my job. He nods and one of the sergeants grabs my arm and under my bracelet injects me with a hypo-spray. They says there you go soldier go get as many guns as you want now. So I run off to the line again and I have to wave my arm over like 15 scanners and show my bracelet 16 times. but I eventually get inside the building and it is a heaven of guns and ammo... it was so amazing that it woke me up just now...

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Iphone Gadgetry...

So last night I dreamed again about a phone gadget.
This time like in an old James Bond flick it was a super powerful battery
put in there and a cutting laser!  It was so very cool, at first the cops were convinced that the robbers had used an acetylene torch to break in but then they saw that the wall opposite the door had a burn trail on it as well. In this dream for some reason I was a security consultant they contacted to go over the video recordings of the robberies and analyze what I saw. I have no idea how I got that job but it was fun to go over each frame of the video and write a report. When it was done the report was 489,721 words, and they smiled and said thank you when I turned it in. Then they came back a month later and asked it I could give them a condensed version. I told them no, if I condensed it then the report would not accurately reflect what I saw in the video. They released an abridged version of my findings and included the abridged version in the courtroom proceedings once they caught the guy. They asked me to take the stand, which I was more than happy to do. They asked me some questions from my findings and I told them what I had found and I even read from the full report which I brought. When the judge asked why what I was reading from was different than what the lawyer was asking I had to reply with the truth, I was under oath. The court case was put on hold while this new report was entered into evidence and the paraphrased one was taken out. Two months later the Judge asked me to come in to his office. He asked me if I wanted to be rich beyond anyone's wildest imagination. I said of course. He told me how to sue the lawyers in such a way as to them be shown to have liable'd me. I won 439 million dollars. I woke up weeping that it hadn't be true. It was glorious.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

new blog

I decided to stop putting the occasional rant on here and reserve this exclusively for my dreams. so I put together a new blog page for regular weirdness... go here

http://mythos-flavored-blog.tumblr.com/

well go there is you want to read about my goofy stuff and get some occasional writing samples and what not...

Revelations Incensed...

Last night I dreamed about finding another pyramid in Egypt, there was a huge sand storm and it uncovered the tip of this buried edifice. There were no records of this pyramid because it is from before Dynastic Egypt even existed carbon dating on one of the mummies found inside puts his death at 25,000 years ago... no one can explain it. all of the religions of the world go into an instant turmoil. There is violence, massive secular violence. The creationists go insane, they try to bomb the place because it goes against their-earth being 6000 years old-bullshit theory. It is one thing to say carbon dating(and all science) is a lie but when they find the anti-chamber of one of the many tombs in this new pyramid and find scroll after scroll detailing the religions of the day, that is when the Christian faith is hit the hardest. The unspoken lies about where half the stories and holidays really comes from. The scrolls details the religion of Mithra in detail, the things it talks about pre-dates all other religions and the stories and legends are pretty much exactly the same. Suddenly men realize that they have been living a lie. Its amazing. Anyhow while all of that boring shit is going on that weird guy from History channel who is always going into tombs and what not finds a chamber with two hundred mummies, these are the royal guard meant to keep watch on the king buried here for all time. just one mummy is taken out to have it tested. The wrappings and the mummy itself are very dried out and there is a large quantity of dust on and around these guards. A sample of this dust is sent to various research labs around the world for testing. A sample is sent to the University of Texas at Arlington. A tiny bit of this dust is put on a cone of store bought incense and lit up with a room full of test subjects. Three of them went mad and were never able to leave mental wards for the rest of their lives. Two of them picked up pen and paper and drew what is now referred to as the ash sketches, the most horrific images of torture and war ever drawn by mankind. And one of them, a little girl five years old who had been sick all of her life and had never been to school or church, she had never had a bible read to her or even discussed in front of her. She was placed in there to see if it would effect someone who had no basis for hallucinations. of course once word of the fact that a child was used in this experiment got out the school was fined and the professor sued into bankruptcy. But the papers he published on the study of this mummy dust got out before he was financially ruined.

that little girl gave a two hour sermon with more religious fervor than any evangelist who ever lived. She basically paraphrased the entire book of revelations ... and then of course I woke up...

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Xgem-Gamer Kush

So I dreamed that I had been contacted by a weed grower who figured out a way to sell it legally on the internet to anyone. He wanted me to help him come up with some packaging for his products. He paid me in millions of dollars worth of weed, I of course got shook down by the DEA and the FBI, they wrote up a contract with me that if I helped them gather the info they wanted on this guy, I in return would never have to pay taxes again and I would be given a lump sum of money that per year would provide me and my family in perpetuity with 75,000 per year of interest to live on. Needless to say I took the offer and I made the weed packaging. He disguised it as Gem cases for video games... Video with titles like Gamer Kush, Orange Defender, Green Zaxxon, Twisted Tempest, Scarlett Sinistar, and of course Purple Galaxian.

I was sent hundreds of pounds of weed most of which was snatched up by the government agents who came over disguised as UPS delivery guys, the rest was sold under the table by me on craigs list and I made 2.5 million bucks which I put into a bank account under my daughters name. it was insane...

very strange dream that when I woke from it I was so glad that it hadn't happened because I honestly would never want to talk with this guy again in my life, you see he was a friend of mine back in high school and I have since grown in my self-image and discovered that he was a pretty useless over bearing douche bag who I am lucky to have out of my life forever.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Basement Research...

Last night I dreamed about a huge basement full of volleyball-sized spiders and for some reason I had to go down in there and label each webs alarm-chord (a term I think my goofy subconscious made up?) as to which individual spider made which chord and such. This of course freaked me out because I hate spiders a little bit in real life, like they are fine over there, but when they get on me or really anywhere near me then spiders and I have troubles... something about multiple legs and venom... call me crazy... but this dream happened and it woke me up at 130am as they were chasing me. Then it woke me up again at 220am as I went to sleep right back into it.

I loathe spiders...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Last Polaroid...

Last night I dreamed that my girl Laura found a polaroid camera and a pack of film in the rubble of a walmart we were looting, she found some batteries and set the thing up and the very first picture was of me with a sling holding our daughter Isabelle and triumphantly holding up a box with beef stew printed in large letters on the outside. The second picture was of Laura lying on the bed at the hotel we were hiding out in along with around fifteen other families. The third picture was taken from the roof of the hotel of the downtown Dallas skyline, it was crumbling, it was deserted and in on case it was on fire. The thick plume of smoke was rising up into the morning sky toward the fall-out clouds hanging perpetually above this new meaner world. ...

Monday, April 18, 2011

The Demonic Drop

Inside of a tiny foil-lined flat box about big enough for a stick of gum was found, at the house of an eccentric occultist, who died horrifically, a single drop of an unidentifiable liquid. In colour it was overwhelmingly red but in essence it was refractively metallic, it was wholly unique...

more about this insane dream later...

Monday, April 11, 2011

the dream...

I have no idea why, but in my dream last night an old lady and her boy toy were in bed together and she was running the world from her orthopedic pillows... she was on a lap top while wearing this hideous old leather mamma outfit including a partial gimp mask, the only thing you could see was her titanic cleavage and her her mouth and eyes... it was bizarre. she was screaming about weird things going on here and there throughout the world and yelling at her boy toy to use this or that device on her.
 she was very mean to him obviously telling him how she was planning on having a huge bodybuilder dom come over and peel the skin from his flesh if he didnt start doing it right.. it was gross then for some reason the dream zoomed out like my eyes were cameras and we were outside looking into their room and there was a bunch off gangster rappers out there. they were doing a live rap battle broadcast where they had to rap about the crazy things she was having the toy boy do while she ruled the world... it was the craziest shit ever...

alot...

Saturday, April 2, 2011

journey...

Last night I dreamed that I got myself a new electric guitar finally after 13 years since my ex-wife pawned all my guitar stuff... which was alot btw...

charvel model 5 = $500
Laney 100 watt amp = $500
Jackson Dinky = $1300
Fender StratoCaster = $350
Gibson SG = $800


and of course the charvel and Laney are not for sale anymore I bought them back in 1987 so they were not replaceable at all...I just checked ebay as well and there isn't even one for sale there either in fact just finding a picture of the model I had its turning into a task. anyhow...

I got a new guitar and started practicing again like crazy after work and what not when I was not in the mood to write. and I eventually got a bit back of what I had before, which btw I used to be able to play along with slayer and yngwie albums back then cd's now i guess...
so for some reason there was this contest for some new product and they wanted people to sing Don't stop believing by Journey, and someone had found a post on youtube of me playing the guitar part for it on a REAL guitar not some plastic piece of shit with huge fisher price buttons and asked me to make a new metal arrangement of the song with heavier guitar and such for their theme song. and I made so much money from this commercial that I never had to work again and I was so happy and I was so rich and then I wake up and find out that its been 13 years since I had an electric guitar and all my gear was pawned and lost years ago by a junkie and I can goof around and play snippets that i remember but I cannot play even 1/256th of the stuff I used to play at all... its so pathetic..

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Colossal Shoe...

So last night I dreamed that a huge shoe appeared hurting through space and it fell into orbit around Earth... it was very puzzling and scientists were considering that it might be a ship on the inside and whatnot... and after a ton of weird news stories in my dream full of speculation... the dream ended with a dumb well I guess Galactus was fighting with Eternity again joke... and I woke up pissed...HOW LAME!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Electro-Nic Factory...

Somehow last night I dreamed about working in an electronic cigarette factory, which is fine but they not only had nic-quid of various flavors, they had it in psionic enhancements. Meaning that there were nic-quids in there that would temporarily give you the ability to control fire with your mind, or read thoughts, or cause exponential plant growth, or move at super speed, or emit beams of plasma from your eyes, or super strength, or flight...... it was pretty cool like working in a super hero factory, all you had to do was get addicted to nicotine in these electronic cigarettes to become a hero... anyhow the dream ended with me mixing about 15 of the hero nicquids into one cartridge and puffing on it...

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Mewes Dice...

Last night I dreamed that Jason Mewes from Clerks and Feast had lost his gaming dice and was needing help to find them and we felt sorry for him and were trying to help... it was strange and odd and very weird...

Monday, February 28, 2011

Ai Cthulhu Ai

So I dreamed that I wrote a blog entry about a new play that I went to in my dream and someone then of course went out and read my blog and instantly wrote themselves a cthulhu play which opened off broadway and got such amazing reviews that it became huge! it was picked up for a broadway run it was translated into 60 other languages, it was made into a movie, a video game and a novel, and then the tabloids found me. They noticed that I was given credit for writing the thing ...which I hadn't I just wrote about a dream that I had had... but the anonymous person who wrote the very violent and amazing play had given me the writing credit... so the reporters wanted to know what sort of payday had I gotten for the massive media hit that I had created and I had to tell them that I had not gotten a single penny out of it, otherwise I would not still be living here in this tiny apartment and buried in debt. There was a national outcry and it turns out that the play was not only a hit but it was also turning people over to the worship of Cthulhu in droves. So the fans of the show started a fund and then the president of the new church of the elder gods signed over a check to me for 48 million dollars... it was to say the least very startling... so startling that it woke me and I just had to write out this dream ... well... Ya know... in the hopes that someone rips me off...

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Roman Apocrypta...

So last night I dreamed I got cast in a movie as the nephew of a chuck heston type villain... they were going to shoot the movie in an old english castle which had dungeons dug out underneath it back in the roman days. my grandfather, who has been dead for 13 years was my agent on the movie, and charlton heston was the lead actor. Jack black was the goofy goody-two shoes comic relief guy and there were several vintage actresses in the flick. so they set up this shot in great detail of us entering the dungeon and they get a shot of this carving of this shield on the wall. well further up the tunnel a bit from us one of the key grips opens up a barred gate leading to a deeper tunnel... he unleashes the evil... so we all end up dying except for chuck heston who I am hovering above his head in a video game 3rd person mode from then on once my character gets killed by the ropey tentacles of ancient evil... the scene where they find the monster is pretty funny the director goes over to it and starts screaming for the effects guy to be fired instantly based on how shitty and awful the monster looks... then the tentacles reach out and grab the director and pull his head off and throws it at the DOP who screams as it knocks him down. The monster then squeezes the headless corpse so hard that we can hear bones snap and blood fountains out of the neck coating everyone in gore... it was awesome!!
the end of the dream involves me in 3rd person over heston as he (he is like 70+ when this is filmed btw) is pissed off trying to climb a barbed-wire fence to go and find help and to get away from this crazy place... its pretty amazing...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Game of Death Poster...

The only thing I remember about my dream last night was I had a poster of the old Bruce Lee movie the Game of Death on my wall, which I in fact did have when I was a kid. The house I was living in was a conglomeration of several houses, including my aunt Colleens house, my aunt Maureens house, the house we lived in in Kansas City and the house we lived in back in Muncie, Indiana. Someone came to the door and asked my cousin Sarah if we had the old Game of Death Poster for sale, and so we find out from the guy that someone put the poster up on craigs list and so no one in the house would admit to doing such a thing, but then just as we all agreed well hell with it this guy is offering a lot of money for the poster, so we were just going to sell it to him anyhow when the phone rings. It is someone from the FBI and it sounds a bit like Special Agent Scully... she says not to sell the poster because there is some sort of hidden message in the image... and then we all rush up to the old room in the attic where the poster was hanging and just as we get there we see that it is torn to shreds and I woke up...

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Frozen Unknown...

A team of scientists exploring a cave in Antarctica find a frozen dinosaur, they manage to chip into it and snag some of the flesh and preserve it using a reversed ion flow of super-heated riboflavin electrons to coat the chunk of flesh and it preserved it like a thick swatch of rubber. it was then toured around the world to various museums and classrooms and some kid discovered a way to preserve us like that and then through a chemical process he modified the reactive age-centers in our DNA and managed to slow it down to a virtual crawl and extended human life by 500+ years... suddenly we were all able to live over half a century... and the religious uproar that this break through caused lead a very dark time of war and hatred and zealotry...

Friday, February 18, 2011

Last Night...

I fell asleep reading a PDF by Tim Long, it is a preview of his new book and its pretty fucking cool so far I was enjoying it but I got so tired that I just fell asleep with the bedside lamp on and my laptop open on the bed beside me. I dreamed that my fiance Laura walked into the room like she always does and closes my laptop and shuts off the lamp and gives me a kiss on the cheek she whispers good night to me like she always does, her love a palpable thing as she tucks the sheet in around me and smiles down at my sleeping form. Her tiny delicate hand traces my forehead and ruffles my reddish brown hair and with that she smiles and sneaks back out of the room and lets me rest.

Laura has been gone for over a year now...

and yet this morning when I woke up the light was off and the laptop was closed...

true story...

I miss her soo very much...

I die a little more each morning that I wake and she is not here with me...


...

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Fox's Photographer...

My dream last night was very odd, I was hired by my friends Rob and Darcy Fox to be their photographer... I have no idea why... it was very strange but I did get some great shots...

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Useless Contraptions Outlet...

So in my dream last night I got this job at a place called U.C.O. (Useless Contraptions Outlet) this conglom was so weird, they held the patents for 99% of the gadgets you see on the home-shopping networks and thousands and thousands more including over 1200 in Japan (which they bragged about when they hired me) they wanted me to help them with their packaging and they paid so much money it was insane. but here is the catch... this girl I used to work with at my old job was working there when I got hired, she was so pissed off that no one had told her they were hiring me that she went on a rampage and blew the place up one day during lunch...
So then we come back from lunch and find the parking lot filled with cops and fire-trucks and people running everywhere. So then we are all sent home and three days later after being pissed that I have to now go instantly looking for a job once more... I get a call saying why haven't I been coming into work and had I quit...
No I tell them I hadn't quit but I had been told to go home and that I would be called. They said for me to show up to work the next day or else they would consider me fired. So I show up the next day and sure enough there are people in the wreckage of the building still working away at their smashed and torn apart cubicles. they spend their days gathering pieces of their computers and trying to get them working again and honestly it is so weird. seeing some of these people hooking video cards up to modems and doing things all wrong, completely wrong, its really silly... Then someone asked me to go grab some coffee in the break room and meet them in the conference room to go over a new product. So then I go looking for the break room but to get there you had to go through the lobby... the bathroom in the lobby is where the bomb went off. so I open up the door and there is just desert there... and  guy comes walking out of scorching heat which is beating my face with his tie wrapped around his face like a dust cloth from one of those old French Foreign Legion movies. I ask the guy where the break room is and he says you gotta walk out there beyond the 4th dune...
and then I am in the desert and I feel like the spice-worms are all around me and those stripped dr suess ones from beetle-juice too and its very weird and just like the guy said beyond the fourth dune sure enough there is another chunk of the building and the the break room... so the coffee machine is working and so I get some.. and then I realize how the fucking hell am I going to get it across the desert and back to the conference room without it getting full of sand... And I grab the phone in the break room and I call my bosses desk and ask him about that and he directs me to go down the hallway from the break room and through human resources and then go down part way to the gym and take the ventilation tunnel going east or to my left and I would be back in the hallway between out department and stairs going up to the tv studios and the research and development labs on the second floor.  So then I am crawling through this tunnel and I hear things before and behind me, slithering things and the occasional rattle of a rattle snake and I am scared and it is such a long crawl that in the middle I cannot see the light behind me and still cannot see the light in front of me and I can feel the weight of the desert pressing down on me from above and I start to get freaked out and I finish my coffee and then decide to go back but the tunnel is two narrow for me to turn around and I dont like the idea of crawling backward and so I continue on forward and after what seems like 450,000 years of crawling I get to the ladder going up to the hallway beside our department. Once I get out they ask me to grab my laptop and come into the conference room. My tower is still in my cubicle but everything is all jumbled up, and then I see the corner of the lap top poking out from under it and so I unhook and move the tower aside and grab up the lap top and I head into the meeting. ...after the meeting the tower is now gone and I have to chase the girl who blew the building up across the desert to get it back and just as I catch up to her I see that she isn't carrying the PC-tower and I get mad and I woke up just now pissed off that the dream made no sense and so I had to come write it down before I forgot it all...

Friday, February 11, 2011

A RANDOM GRIPE..

Okay so I know I made this thing for cataloging my weird and unusual dreams but i have not been sleeping much and thus I haven't dreamed much at all lately.
I ordered a couple of used movies from amazon.com

one of them arrived in mesquite, tx (about an hour drive away) on monday the 7th... it took it 3 days and it arrived in Dallas on the 10th at 11pm that evening... here is the thing... it took that package 3 days to travel half an hour down the road... know I know that there was an ice storm wednesday in the early morning... but on saturday the 5th the snow melted and on monday the roads were clear... it wasn't until wednesday (when the package finally DID move) that things got questionable again... so why the delay...

consequently another movie that i ordered and was shipped on the 6th from Pennsylvania has now arrived in Irving, TX (where I live) before the package that was ordered and shipped days earlier has even left Dallas to get to Irving... this is crazy...

I know that I should just not worry about it and let it go but when so many millions of things are out off my hands and beyond my control in my life at all right now having something like this happen on top of it all just grates my nerves raw and makes me want to smash skulls flat with my bat...

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Final Countdown...

Yes that song by Europe...

So for some reason in my dream last night a friend of mine named Justin, the former host of the Bastard-Cast podcast sent me a compact-disc for safe-keeping. He was on the run from some secret government conspiracy guys and he had placed an encoded string of data on this CD. It had 17 different versions of the song "The Final Countdown" on it as well to hide the disc's true contents... Then somehow he and I are racing across El Salvador in those railroad trucks that can raise up their regular wheels and run on train tracks. We are in two separate trucks and talking on walkie-talkies and playing the various different versions of the song at the same time and singing along, while helicopter gunships try to gatling-gun and missile us to death... it was like a low-budget michael bay dream... shit was blowing up all around us yet we were still ignoring it and singing along with this song from 30 years ago...

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Fox Invasion...

I dreamed last night that there was a massive burst in the fox population, like billions of them, they were getting into anything and everything and killing pets and children. The wild thing was the douche-bag up-with-animal assholes were trying to defend them at first even after they had killed thousands of small children across North America, they were trying to blame the parents for not keeping a better eye on their kids than they were on the hordes of foxes roaming the streets. There was a lady down the street from me in the dream who had ten or fifteen of them as pets with little leashes and they acted all nice and did tricks and stuff while she was watching but as soon as she turned her back they would fuck shit up... it was so bizarre...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Dreams of the Strange...

So last night I slept for about three and a half hours and I dreamed of a small park in the city where there were beautiful trees and shrubs an a path that families would walk down. it was surrounded by huge skyscrapers on all sides and was very self contained. the strange thing was finding the pup tent set out near the middle of the park that had been fenced in by huge circus barriers. There was a gate in the fence where a clown was taking the money to those wanting to go in... it was not a happy clown or anything goofy he wore black and white make-up with a like 5 day growth of beard and a cigar stub in his mouth. he talked like mugsy from bugs bunny,
"M'yeah see you gotta see the show see..."
So the line was very long and everyone who went into the tent came out and went away from the tent where we could not see them anymore toward another clown at an exit gate.
So I finally get up there and the clown takes my dollar to get in. So I slowly walk across the grass toward the pup tent and I turn and look back and everyone else in the line has no face just hollow shells of gaping blackness...
I turn back and I crouch down and I flip aside the flap of the tent and I crawl in. There is a clown dressed in polka dots lying there with his huge feet stacked up toward me. He gestures for me to sit down beside him. He smiles at me and points to his left eye. I lean in a little bit and look at his eye...It has no discernable color or pupil in fact it looks more like a whirlpool if anything... the more I look at it the more I can see that it is a galaxy rotating slowly within his eye it is amazing... I then see that he is pointing now at his right eye... which takes me a while to tear my gaze away from the left eye to even look at the right eye... but I finally do... in that eye all I can see is a flaming brimstone of hell, like the surface of the sun itself... which scorches my mind... it hurts so badly I can hear my own brains cooking inside my skull... and then of course... I woke up just now...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Rail-Guns...

I have not slept more than around 2 hours in a row for over two weeks now...I have not had a dream that I could remember... I finally slept decently last night and I dreamed....

I dreamed I invented a working rail gun that shot hyper-sonic flechette rounds, it was amazing... I felt like Sam Rockwell in Iron Man 2, except without the dance moves of course... but I got some huge government defense contracts and then another huge company bought me out for billions and I was able to retire in 6 months after I had patented my invention it was awesome... I never had to work again and the rest of the dream was spent taking trips around the world to all the places I ever wanted to go with my wife and daughter... and then of course... I woke up to this hideous bullshit reality once more and I truly weep a bit for that dream... if you have read any of the rest of the entries of this blog you will understand that I only have a dream like this once every 15 years or so... it was a good one.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Callienyiette Camps...

So I had a dream about a 'District 9' type set of displaced aliens their world was under a new ultra-violent regime and millions of them fled to Alpha-Centari where I was stationed. We had to set up these camps for them to live in, but unlike 'District 9' these aliens were from Callienyiette and looked very close to a humans, with slightly thicker noses, fuller lips, broad shoulders they were very well muscled and wonderfully toned people, they all stood 2.5 meters tall on average and have these little odd antennae that grow from their temples. They were actually very nice, most of them didn't speak english, but their language was really easy to learn, so our translator-chip implants under our ears were able to let us understand them very well. They had been settled in for a few days when the third ship they had left with (the last one to pull out) finally drifts into orbit and stops. It is unresponsive to hails. The customs team that searches the ship a few minutes later also goes unresponsive, two minutes after docking and opening the gantry tube between the two ships. Then a voice comes over the speaker from one of the Custom Team saying they had made it to the bridge and found the ship had landed here on auto pilot. They were telling their story of what was going on when screams come across the connection and then there is silence.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

War Dream....

So I had this whole long vivid dream of battle on an alien world with huge Flat creatures that were very weird, and after this long epic fight we lose and we have to bail out of there and as we go they nuke the place from orbit and kill everything and the general turns to us and he says...



Well if you are going to lose at least lose in such a way that no one can fault you for not trying...


once again I was so pissed that I had had this huge massive detailed and amazing dream and it turned into some cheap and frankly stupid punch line at the end....

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Another Trip...

To Lovecraft Country.... I dreamed again of the Tv show "That Looney Lovecraft" Mr. Lovecraft's neighborhood cartoon thing, that I talked about a while ago, this time it was pretty much the same dream with slightly more details, including a Miggy-the-Mi-Go character and Sluggo The Shoggoth, and N(Beep) the cat (whose name is always censored) last night the little conductor of the 1852 trolley was very petulant and annoyed with Lovecraft and how nice he was and reported that he was sick of Lovecraft's eternal good mood, and wondered if Lovecraft ever had a bad day. To this Lovecraft turned toward the camera and in an aside assures us that his bad days make for great days of writing and the worse mood that he is in the better the writing comes out.
He explains that there is a great darkness in all of our souls that we can tap into in creative moments which can bring out such dark and inspired stories that we will always try to find ways to tap into that darkness from then onward and utilize it in our writing so that we can continue to produce such inspired prose... anyhow I need to write this up as a short story...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Alien Mummy...

Ok for some reason, the dream I had last night was so cool and yet pissed me off soo much that it woke me up, ok in the first place there was an awesome spaceship crash! the entire world was watching as military special forces went in there with cameras on them to explore the huge city-sized ship, which by the way had wiped out the entirety of Mobile, Alabama. So the world watches with bated breath as these soldiers explore the ship and we are all amazed at the ancient glyphs on the walls of the ship, they look like a combination of Mayan and Egyptian hieroglyphs. So then they discover this bad ass control room for the ship and this huge sarcophagus, not quite the same as the one from stargate btw. This one was almost entirely gold, and the face on top of it was not human at all. So then the actor Richard Kind shows up claiming to be Gary Meyers and wanting to examine the runes and glyphs of the ship... The press was asking him why he thought he was his character from the movie and he went on and on about how after the movie he went to college and got three separate doctorates in Egyptology and stuff and for some reason the fucking press and military believed him. The very first thing he did wasn't to start taking pictures of the amazing hieroglyphs or to compare them to the ones we have analyzed... nope... the first thing he did was ask for a coffee... so then with the world watching the whole exploration of the ship grinds to a halt as he throws a fit that no one on the set will get him some coffee and how unprofessional this whole production was... then someone starts telling him it isn't a fucking movie and he really needed to get the fuck off the ship... and then a PA shows up with a coffee for him and some dude yells action...  and like I said it pissed me off so fucking much that it woke me up enraged at how my brain takes these glorious dreams and pisses all over them... ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Monday, January 10, 2011

Roadshow Circus...

So last night I dreamed that Bruce Springsteen started up a traveling roadshow, that had him in concert at the end of the day but building up to it was a bunch of weird circus acts... not any with elephants or shit like that just some trick riding horse stunts and a ton of gun tricks. We as performs (I guess I worked for the show) were allowed some little Honda cr80 motorcycles to ride around on to do chores for the show and I guess there was a part of the show where there was a Ghost Gypsy song thing that happens during each show and we were requested to stop riding through the crowd during that part of the show on our motorcycles but for some reason it became some sorta cult thing and people would go crazy and throw money at us when we ran through the crowd nearly killing people... it was fucking stupid...

Friday, January 7, 2011

Buddy Cop Dream?

So last night I dreamed a very stupid buddy cop dream, where everyone had very very stupid names like Dan Stormwind and Curt Deserette it was shitty... and not scary at all... I do dimly recall a serial killer or something we were going to solve the mystery of but the puns and horrible bravado got in the way big time and left it a worthlessly stupid dream...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Gumdrop Revolution........

So last night I dreamed of a guy in a steve carell mask who was trying to take over the world. he was awful at it and ended up in jail spouting lines from half-remembered pinky and the brain cartoons...it was lame...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Healing Delayed...

Last night I dreamed we went to an Annual Charity Art Auction and it was like important that we be there and it was all fancy with a champagne reception and everything. People were decked out in black tie and formal dresses and what not. So we get there and find our place to sit in the auction room (which looked very fucking suspiciously like the auditorium of my Junior High school) So the auction starts and the first piece is called Healing Delayed... and according to the auctioneer it was an experimental piece of avantgarde-art done with chalk and pastels...it was a doodle I made back in junior high when I was bored in class... and I recognized it as such and it threw me awake... the auctioneer had stolen old notebooks from people and just scanned in and fucked around in photoshop on peoples doodles and then sold them for 'charity'  .....

Monday, January 3, 2011

Tentacle Cola...

Last night I dreamed that some sorta weird alien put some kinda viral disease into a very very popular cola drink... which may or may not have a red label... and this caused people to chase each other down and sprout tentacles to kill, mutilate and rape each other with... it was a very messy and mostly disgusting apocalypse...

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Container Ship Pirates...

I had a truly weird dream last night where I worked as a welder on a ship refurbishment plant. Myself and several other folks banded together and swiped one of the ships we had just fixed up and we used it to pirate other container ships...it was ridiculous...but it was very detailed including exactly how to reinforce the hull and cranes and such to prevent small arms fire from having any effect on our operation, the most expensive part of the gig was stealing or buying the bullet proof-glass for the bridges of these ships..