So last night I had a two part dream that first involved me selling a ton of novels and getting pretty rich, well rich enough to never have to work again anyhow. So I was somehow at a huge banquet charity dinner type thing and all of these obnoxious rich people were there, including Paris Hilton and her parents. (I don't know if she has parents or anything about them but the guy in my dream who played her dad was a cross between the professor from Gilligan's island and the monopoly man) So her dad liked my book and he asks me when it is going to be made into a movie. I tell him that at the moment there is no movie option for the book. He tells me that is a damn shame and that since he had bought a movie production company for his daughter, so he could pretend she was an actress, that he could swing a deal my way. I say that would be great and he tells me to come by his house and bring my lawyer and agent and we can talk it through. Well that is great but he then turns and goes on talking with other crazy rich people and I cannot get him to notice me again, because in the dream I have no clue where he lives and no idea who might be able to tell me how to get there. In the dream I take off after that once I see Paris, her sister and two of their friends drop their dresses to the floor revealing bikinis underneath which they use to jump into this big wading pool in the lobby of the place.
So I get out of there and it was so dumb that it almost woke me up because the next thing I know I am driving home but I decide that I am hungry so I flip it around and go to try to find a place to eat.... mind you I just came from a charity dinner but the food was all french and such tiny portions that I didn't feel like I had eaten at all.
I find an Ihop and I stop there, they tell me that it will be forty five minutes to seat me, and I am laughing and turning to leave when a big loud voice rises over the hub-bub of the place shouting my name. I turn around and I see this guy frantically waving at me, it is my old friend Fred. Now I have not seen Fred since 1996, when he dropped off the map completely. In my dream Fred wasn't just a guy who did video production with me, he was a guy who did open mic nights with me back before my novel hit. We had both washed out of stand-up comedy completely but old Fred still remembered me. Now when I knew him in life old Fred was clean shaven except for this thick C.H.I.P.s mustache but no beard for the most part, that I recall and sorta metal with ya know Megadeth tshirts and what not. In my dream Fred has grown out the biggest most moth-eaten wino-beard you have ever seen in your life. He has me sit down across from him and he says
"Hey man I saw you standing there and I thought well, I don't mind a little catching up from the old days, but tell me are you a waiter now?" Fred asks, eying me as I sit down across from him.
"No, I am not a waiter, I was just at a charity fundraiser and it was black-tie, yeah back in the old stand-up days I never would have thought I would own a tux," I reply.
"Oh here is the food, right on time," He says, and we both lean back at the waitress arrives with two huge stacks of pancakes.
She places the pancakes on the table between us and and smiles and starts to move off,
"Hey keep 'em coming and another plate of pancakes for my friend here," he tells her, she nods back at him and vanishes into the crowd.
"While she is bringing you some food dig into this stack here," He says.
Strangely he has slid both stacks of pancakes off of their plates and onto the table itself. I look at him and he explains that he likes to eat as wee were meant to eat.
He then sets aside the knife and fork, and he pours syrup over both stacks of pancakes right on the table and he reaches over to one and tears off a little bit of the top one and pops it into his mouth and then noisily licks off his fingers. I just stare at him in horror, and he continues to ignore me and smack his lips around the pancakes and make all kindsa yummy noises and lick the syrup off his fingers like he is a chick in a porn licking a cock, by jamming his fingers into his mouth and moaning around each one, like he is roughly fingering his own mouth.
Needless to say this was so gross it woke me...I don't think I want to ever eat pancakes again....
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