Friday, December 31, 2010

Mecha Power!

Last night I dreamed that someone invented a giant powered armor suit, that ran on the Mr Fusion, Home Energy Reactor, that Doc Brown affixed to the Delorean... it was pretty fucking sweet, one trip to the trash dump and I had enough fuel for 15 years of stomping and blasting stuff... yeah thats right I had the ultimate in destructive devices and I spent most of the dream stupidly gathering trash to shove into it to give it more power for later... well folks later never came... it was STUPID!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Giant Cockroach Minivans...

So last night I dreamed that we ran outta fossil fuels and had to come up with some new ways to get around... so someone bred cockroaches up to giant size and we used them as cars and trucks and what not... until one fateful night when some lab was trying to breed one smart enough to follow a bus schedule... those smart ones got out, and gained control of the huge bus and train ones and conquered Europe...the peace talks disintegrated in chaos once their representative ate ours... and then our society fell... it was pretty fucking stupid... 

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Balls of Filth...

So last night was a hodgepodge of broken and incomplete dreams some very weird stuff including a long section where a group of roadkilled animals were singing opera as we drove by... but the longest dream I had last night was about this machine that everyone had that took all of your trash and balled it up and launched it into space... around a month after this invention hit the market about a hundred satellites were hit on their way out of earth orbit with huge balls of filth... and destroyed... and then my dream shifted to a call center for a cell phone company whose orbital satellite had just been smashed out of existence...

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Missing Returned...

last night I dreamed about thousands and thousands of people who have gone missing over the years suddenly being brought back. In a flash of blueish light they would appear in the sky and then drop down to the ground to splatter everywhere...It was very weird and creepy, and of course greedy insurance companies started writing policies immediately for home and car and life coverage against what they termed 'the falling'.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Last Nights Dream

Last nights dream was a new scene from the blog I am doing with Victor Mongaras.


http://hicksintheapocalypse.wordpress.com/

It was a fully detailed and messed up scene sort of an homage to an August Derlith story Beyond the Threshold from years ago but only in one relation, to some footprints they find. but anyhow usually when i dream about a scene from an existing story I just don't bother to write one of these entries (hence the gaps sometimes), but I felt like I needed to put down that this does occasionally happen and to explain the reason why...

Friday, December 24, 2010

Lollipop Lovecraft

I dreamed last night that some dick bag in hollywood made a cartoon called 'That Looney Lovecraft' and it was a mr rogers neighborhood with H.P. as the host. it was pathetic he would come in a change his shoes and say hi to the Sluggoth in the closet and hand it his coat. He would walk over and talk to the little 1852 train conducter who would take us on a trip to Lovecraft Country where we would meet up with Ithiqua and various others including 'Yippie the Yith' and 'Eddie the Elder Thing' and yes the more I write about this the funnier it sounds and Now I wish I remembered it better cause that sounds hilarious now, yet when I woke up just now I was fucking pissed off about it all and wanted whoever created the show to die... but I think it was me...

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The big bonus...

I dreamed that the company I work for gave me five or six extra zeros on the xmas bonus check and I was able to pay off everything and become debt free... it was a wonderful dream... and then I woke up to the nightmare of crushing, remorseless hellish debt once more.... oh dream world why can't you be real just this once....

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Mind Spider

Last night I dreamed that the mole on my forehead burst open and the spider living in my brains telepathically took people over and made them do hideous things, it was quite awesome! It was just a series of me walking around seeing people and causing them to kill, maim and brutalize others...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Danny Trejo Production

So last night I dreamed I was a camera operator for a movie that Danny Trejo was producing and directing. I don't recall the name of the movie but it involved a cast of all stuntmen turned actors who he had doing all their own stunts. He also had a big part in the movie himself as the main villain. He got to bang both of the female leads as well. He kept on having these big discussions in between each take while we re-lit the scene to go from another angle. He was letting the female lead know that she needed to get psyched up for this next stunt that was coming up. I guess that my subconscious felt like I needed a night off from the weird shit I have been dreaming of lately and this must have been it. Danny (who I met at the Texas Fear-Fest 11-08) was a very nice boss, except when people would complain about how dangerous a stunt was. He would do it himself and then come back over and say 'See, that wasn't hard or dangerous' and then they would end up doing it.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Sanitized Greetings...

For some reason I dreamed of this place that makes xmas greeting videos, so all of these people that I know got all dressed up like for a photo shoot and then just made these stupid videos, where there are $40,000 worth of effects and then this lame happy holidays from the family...  it was awful... it was not as you can see an apocalyptic dream but it certainly sucked regardless...

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Toilet Flood...

Last night I dreamed the toilet backed up and flooded and drown the world in a riptide of feces... it was uhm... the smelliest and most vile apocalypse that ever happened...

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The second stupidest dream lately...

So last night I dreamed that I tried to get a marriage visa to go live in Canada and the agents asking the questions were the guys from the matrix and didn't really care about any of the answers I gave to their questions... it sucked and I dont wanna go back to sleep cause I don't wanna continue in that dream at all... ahh 'dreams of futility' you lash out at me once more...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Those Are Not the FruitFlies...

The dream I had last night can only be described as stupid... I understand that coming from a guy who had a dream about Robert Downey Jr. rolling from town to town as a side-show barker this might come as an understatement... but man I had a stupid fucking dream last night...
Fruit flies from space ... or something... it was an invasion of these fruit flies who got on the fruit and laid all these eggs and then folks would eat them and the eggs would hatch in their intestines and these people would be taken over by the insects. they looked like normal fruit flies to the naked eye but under a microscope they were strange alien creatures who only nominally looked like our flies here on earth at all...I don't know... I do however know it was stupid. I know I woke up pissed off, at how stupid it was. I mean that is a huge pile of fail. And no I would not be surprised if somewhere out there someone says hey that was the plot of some stupid movie from the late 80's, because frankly that is what it felt like...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Insincere Wishes of a Douche...

So last night that this friend who I have not heard from in years saw that my newest book was out on amazon and decided that he would chime in and let me know that he always knew I would do well. So he sends me this message to tell me how pleased he was that my book was out... Here is the problem my newest book is the 6th book I am in, where was this guy the first five times? if he was so sure I would do well why is it only after the 6th book? were the others just ramping up to doing well? I considered one of my primary life goals accomplished back in feb of 2001 when Relics and Rituals came out and suddenly I had a book on the shelf at Borders and Barnes & Noble. Where was this dude back then? and now after my 6th book is out around 5 more are due out soon and then my novel as well is coming out, yeah oh so you knew I would do well eh? gee... thanks...

ok so I know I set out to make this a record of my dreams but honestly this message really pissed me off...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Jousting Turtles...

For some reason my subconscious took the night off, in my dream i could not seem to get away from rooms or even hallways with tvs playing this show about some dwarves riding Galapagos turtles and jousting on them...

Monday, December 13, 2010

Tarantula Fudge... the Amway Apocalypse...

Last Night I dreamed that Troy from the show See You Next Tuesday sent me an email that he was going to be in Dallas and that I should bring some friends with me and come meet up with him. Well having been a person who had a spouse get into that business and forge my name on the papers I knew immediately what bring you friends to meet me meant... So it ends up with just me there in the room with him. Now obviously I didn't want to go but of course in my dream I have to go. So he lays it on me that he is in the fudge business. He has these very inexpensive fudge making packs and selling them is how we are all going to be rich! So he is very cross with me for not bringing all my friends to meet him and acts all like a prima donna and shit. I apologize and inform him that I am a recluse and only have maybe four friends total (true) and that really he wasn't missing much. So he gives me his business card, an order form, a contract (even though I told him I wasn't interested), and a free sample pack of the fudge making kit. He was so assured that I would love it and want to join him after I had tried it that he would not take no for an answer...  Well the following wednesday the mediocre show was talking about this fudge... so I was worried and I did a news search for philly. The city was overrun with people selling this fudge and doing crazy shit. So I get ahold of Slo-Mo the mediocre scientist and I take the fudge pack to him so he can analyze it. I know in the waking world that he has moved to california but in the dream he was still living here in dallas. So I take it over to him and he does some chemical analysis and such and calls me back into the room. He shows me some fancy microorganismz that he found in there on the slides on his microscope and then he opened up the internet and found the closest thing in our natural world to these tiny particles.  it was Tarantula eggs. So the fudge was made with spider eggs but not quite normal eggs oh no, these were some sorta mutant alien ones that would hatch inside ya and fill you up and take you over. it was a very strange end of the world you never knew who was infected with the spiders until they opened their mouth too wide and you saw the spiders there on their tongues and pouring from their mouths.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Wicked Pajamas...

So last night I dreamed of getting a package in the mail. I had to go down to the office here at the apartments to pick it up. Turns out to be a brand new set of pajamas...for a 7 year old... I am 41... There is a card though that says one size fits all. Well I laugh at that because the pants, upon holding them up, don't even come up to my waist. It is goofy as hell. Why would I want 60's tv batman pajamas anyhow... so then I go and I look online to see how much some kids batman tv pajamas are selling for these days... my jaw hits the floor, I am holding some million dollar pajamas. so I call up a friend of mine who does alot of ebay bullshit and get him to come over he takes one look at the pajamas and goes insane and starts pulling his face off his skull and bellowing like a stricken oxen...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Candy Coated Misery...

So last night I dreamed that some new candy became available in China and made its way over here to the US. It was green with white stripes on the one kind and purple with white stripes on the other. The green kind was 'Happyness' and was more joy inducing then chocolate, it was so addictive that within two weeks of it coming out supplies brought in from China were drained. Then the riots started because the people were forced to eat the other one. The purple kind was called 'Misery' and it too was addictive but in a different way, it made everything bleak and terrible by way of a chemically induced depression, but when it took effect it hit you with a rush twenty times more addictive than cocaine. People fought in the streets and stores were smashed into and closed down. Rumors that a huge shipment of the candy was being held in the restricted section of the international customs holdings circulated throughout the city of San Francisco. Within hours thousands of people showed up to smash down the fences and break into the place. They found nothing, rumors then said no it was the customs area of the airport. They smashed that place up too, they did find a little shop in the mall area of the airport that still had some of the candy though, and there was a blood bath as thousands of people fought and died over the tiny cellophane wrapped candies. and once again the government tried to step in and outlaw the candy in the USA and the people across the entire country rioted. Martial law was declared and the white house, the senate and the pentagon were smashed and torn down. The government officials still left alive fled to remote locations unknown. then... it was the end of life as we know it. China invaded. They won in two days... They brought pallet after pallet of the candy with them. They flew helicopters over the cities dumping it out as they went. There was slaughter as people fought to get it all. They landed and only small pockets of resistance, those who didn't like candy in the first place and those who drank through it all.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Vomit Wave...

Last night I dreamed that an ancient god rose up from hidden crypt he had been lying in, deep in the heart of the mountains of Chile. He gets up and looks around and all the world is watching on streaming video as he opens his mouth and vomits wave after wave of bile. A torrent of acid that destroys the world spews forth washing away our society and burning the earth itself so that nothing will grow anymore, leaving behind desolation...

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Doom Cannon

Last night I dreamed of a super villain finally showing up on this planet and he made a ridiculous giant laser cannon like in austin powers and he was going to hold the world hostage blah blah... well turns out his assistant got a bit overzealous when they were on the phone demanding money and blew up california. The U.N. declares war on this guy and eventually special forces find him and raid his secret hideout. The russians get some of his tech and make super giant lasers all over their country and the arms race is on once more. a few months later WWIII is a go and the launches take place. I watched our world get wiped again and this time I laughed as our society was consumed by the cleansing fires of nuclear fission. I welcomed it... and why wouldn't I... the mad scientist / super villain was my brother, and rather than admit that to anyone I was much more happy to have died...

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Premiere Tuxedo...

So last night I dreamed that my friend Ray, Vic and I were invited to the premiere of the movie based on the book we wrote called Two Hicks One Apocalypse. So because of this we had to go get tuxedos, so none of us had alot of money so we asked my agent, who was Jason Mewes... where to get a cheap tuxedo in Hollywood. He directs us to 'The Premiere Tuxedo' a shop in a part of town called Chino. The idea is that this place is so far outside of Los Angeles proper that the prices are cheaper and that the owner buys his tuxedos from estate sales and sometimes you can get one previously worn by a celebrity. So we get there and Ray gets a tuxedo from a guy who was first A.D. on lost named Rich Sickler, and Vic got one that was Richie Vallens. The one they got for me was from a guy named Ted Bergmann who was a writer for Sanford and Son. So we get into these outfits and Jason Mewes picks us up in a limo outside and takes us to the Chinese theater for the premiere. We get out and the lights are flashing as the press takes hundreds of pictures of Jason Mewes as we go in and none of them even ask who we are. We get to the doors and Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Edgar Wright and Kevin Smith are all right inside. They say hi to Mewes and reach out to shake our hands. My hand goes up and I instantly wake up. Once again no apocalypse, no end of the world just an odd that will never happen dream...

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Robert's Rat...

So last night I dreamed that Robert Downey jr. had bought the rat that the KNB guys used in from dusk till dawn and he was going all around the country with it in the back of a freak show semi-trailer and exhibiting it by way of saying that it was the missing link between man and rat. He was the con-man / caller and would try to entice the local rubes into coming inside for a peek at the thing. I was being paid to drive the truck from town to town (oh the double clutchings) and then once there I would get under the stage where the rat pen was in the trailer of the truck and I would work the controls. At first I made the rat move and snap his mouth at the people who came in to see it. but as we went along, it was like the human energy of so many people reaching out and petting the thing sorta imbued this goofy looking thing, and eventually I had to use the controls to keep it held back from eating people and then after a while there was no holding back, it would just sit there until the viewing was over and then later that night, Robert would open up the backdoor of the truck and then let the thing run wild, tearing people apart and raping them... for once this dream didn't somehow end in the apocalypse... I dunno what that means...

Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Knockoff Reality...

Last night I dreamed that my entire reality was as an extra in a terrible reality show about Salma Hayek, who in the show was trying to be a real life ghostbuster but none of her gadgets worked at all. People tuned into the show obviously because she was walking around in a proton-pack and a low-cut top and mini-skirts... it was odd and once the show got canceled the world ended... it was the most pathetic apocalypse of all time...

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Guitar of Summoning..

So last night after eating entirely too much home made chicken noodle soup for my birthday dinner. I dreamed of being at a Joe Satriani concert and some chick was standing nearby and her cell phone kept going off. The song she had playing for her text alert was so massively & violently discordant that the very fabric of reality itself torn and through the gaping rift in our space-time continuum the daemons poured...They came by the billions, ripping and tearing everything in sight, they killed me right away and I hovered there, a blood-encrusted wraith watching the ebon-clawed, glowing-eyed daemons destroy the earth one foul inhabitant at a time.
That old bullshit about not being able to die in your dream without dying in real life doesn't work on me by the way... it never has since more of my dreams start off with the apocalypse and then go from there... I have died in my dreams since I was 17 years old... so for the last 23 years I have been killed and maimed and butchered and burned to a crisp thousands of times, my ghost... my soul whatever it is always remains to witness the final destruction of mankind.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Ghosts of Radiation...

Last night I dreamed that after the blast there were these green ghosts that swooped around the world in hordes and touched everyone who survived the apocalypse. They were ethereal and wondrous looking things but who could in a split second change their benevolent features to those of horrific evil when angered. Their far reaching fingers changed thousands of people into mutated freaks who in turn bore millions of off spring who formed the tribes of the weird... the new races that settled in on the ashes and dust of the once proud civilizations we see today...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Mi-Go Wannabees....

Last night I dreamed that the aliens from District 9 came down and claimed to be the Mi-Go. It was very odd as they tried to convince the world that they were from Yuggoth and that they could fly on interstellar wings... yet they arrived clearly on a huge malfunctioning ship.  It was weird, to those who never read Lovecraft they bought it hook, line and sinker. To those of us who have read him we were shocked at how many knuckle dragging retards had never actually read the master of horror and at the audacity of these goofy aliens as well.