Inneffective Smashing

Last night I had the classic dream of futility, I was stuck in a warehouse with a bunch of people and of course there were ravenous hordes of zombies outside. At one point we found our way from the main building to like this front offices area of the warehouse and in there was food and stuff, which was cool we made coffee (very very strong coffee) and it was awesome. but then some joker decides to go and open up the garage door on the side of the offices (which I know what your saying I was saying it too, why would they have a 7 dock warehouse and yet still have a garage on the attached office complex) so anyhow this dillhole opens the garage and hundreds of them get in and of course I grabbed up a shovel and I was smashing them over and over and causing no damage whatsoever. hence... the old classic... dreams of futility...

The Shadow Man

So last night I dreamed about a man standing over my in my sleep, he was whispering things that would have made me worry greatly about my sanity because I didn't understand a single word of it, but then I remembered that chick from last crusade and somehow in my mind I knew she could understand what this shadow man was saying to me so I got up and walked past him. I took a shower and got dressed, all the while he is walking behind me saying things over and over in a tongue I cannot comprehend. So I fly to Venice and meet up with Dr. Elsa Schneider who in my dream looks exactly the same as she did in the movie, she hasn't aged a minute, so I go up to her and I gesture to the shadow man following me and ask her.
"Doctor what is this shadow man saying,"
"He is speaking in the tongue of R'yleh. He says your phone is ringing and that you need to WAKE UP!"
and then of course I woke up...

By-Products of a Hate-Filled Mind

Ok last night I dreamed about a murderer, he was not your typical serial killer he was fond of leaving voice-mails on his victims phone with some sort of weird distortion explaining why he had killed the person and where a clever detective might be able to find the body. This guy was obsessed with anime and did most of his murders in seedy motels with alot of tentacle-dildos jammed into eye-sockets and real octopus and squid rammed into holes punched in chest cavities... at first... then the guy starts to do live versions of guro. The last scene of the dream was of the detectives bursting into the room and finding a teenage girl who had been flayed open, with hemostats holding the various flaps of skin apart being cruelly invaded by the severed arms of around 5 different men... and of course the rookie cop has to run back out into the hallway and throw up all over everything... and then of course I woke up... if anyone wants to make an anime of that one just let me know...there were alot more scenes...

The Tv Nightmare

Ok I don't watch TV, because I fucking hate it. I cannot stand the commercials and I hate reality TV shows they piss me off and back in January of 2010 I called up Verizon and I had them turn off my cable TV. Guess what... I didn't die at all, you see I never watched the damn TV as a TV at all, I have over 600 movies and I love watching them and I found myself not having watched TV at all for months and I decided why pay over $50 a month for something you don't even watch at all. Now obviously when I tell people that I don't have cable TV they seem to wonder how I can live and if I am human at all. I assure I am human, I have my doubts however about all of you. Here are some reason's why.
1. You schedule your lifes around what time the shows you want to watch come on, you DVR them and watch them over and over, so why not just wait for the DVD to come out?
2. You try to get your friends (IE me) interested in the reality shows you watch, in fact somehow you think they are so interesting that you blather on and fucking on about them to such a degree that you can pretty much be assured that there is no chance in fucking hell that I will watch even a split second of those shows ever. And yes in case your wondering I have never watched American Idle, Survivor, Jersey Shore or any of the other bullshit shows out there, fuck 'em.
3. You insist that this or that show is the best show you have ever seen in your life and that you would "literally DIE" <-- your words, if you could not watch this particular show. Let me assure you that I go and get disc one of those shows once they come out from netflix and I could give a fuck less, I am not impressed at all. The only shows I have been impressed with lately are not even on the air anymore and haven't been for years. Like Soprano's, Rome, Deadwood and Dead Like Me. Those were good shows but they were still not enough to make me want to waste $50+ extra dollars each month just to have TV and watch them.
People seem to be under the impression that they would have nothing to do if they didn't have TV to watch and I have to assure you that there is a vast and amazing life to be had out there in the world once you turn off the fucking TV and get your ass up off the goddamn couch and go find it.
Here are some things you can do without ever having to turn on the tv.
1. READ A MOTHER FUCKING BOOK! Yeah, put down the remote control, get up off the mother fucking couch and go to the library (they are FREE stupid!) and get yourself some books. For all of you people who seem to shockingly take a massive amount of pride in the fact that your "Not a Reader" and you have not read a book since high school, I feel sad for you, I truly do. This is NOT something you should be proud of at all, it is in fact shameful and you should have to hang your head low in public and not be able to meet the eyes of your peers who know that there are no life lessons to be learned on the Idiotbox and that your ignorance shows whenever you talk. You sound like an illiterate red-neck dickhole when you brag about not reading.
2. Play a fucking video game! At least you will be working on your hand eye coordination and you can in some case play with people all around the world and get exposed to cultures unlike your own and meet and great folks and begin to understand that those foreigners you claim to hate and are scared of are just as worried about you as you are of them.
3. Go for a walk. Yes outside check it out you don't have to sit for 4-6 hours each night watching other people do things on the TV you can open your fucking door and go outside and do stuff yourself!
4. Go see a movie. Yes again outside, the experience of going to the theatre is a blast and the thing is that pretty much all the towns across this great land have a $1 theatre somewhere go there and watch some flicks it is fun.
5. Go to a bar and hang out with your friends, they miss you.
So you see there is a few things you can do without having to sit for countless hours not doing anything at all yet watching other people doing stuff.  You see there is a reason they call the bullshit you watch reality tv. It is what is going on outside your house while you planted on your couch doing jack-shit. Turn that shit off and go read a fucking book, your vocabulary will thank you for it.
Fun Fact: I can tell within two sentences of meeting a new person if someone is a reader or not.
Once again let me stress bragging about being ignorant isn't cute or quirky it is just plain stupid.
Now on to the dream from last night.
Ok the thing is I went on and on just now about the TV and my hatred there-of so that you could understand why this dream was so terrifying to me.
I dreamed last night that I got invited to be on a reality show. You see my ex-wife entered some contest and won and she tried to get in with her new husband but they said they would only have her on the show if she could find someone she didn't get along very well with. She tried to talk me into it, I told her to fuck off. She then for once in her life got smart and had them contact me and tell me how much money they were going to give me and how the last author who went on the show sold millions of copies of his book. They said this authors name, I saw a big fucking payday...and I .... caved-in and agreed to be on the show.
They put us up in this massive hotel downtown and the room was big and nice, we each had our own suite off of the main room and it was ok. The show (which I never found out the name for) seemed to change as we went along. Turns out my ex-wife got us involved in a prank show. There was some sort of obstacle course in the pretend part of the show and it was very long and tough and made ya feel very gerbil in a habitrail'ish. But once that was over and she got stuck on something and we lost (in the first round of the competition I might add) it was time for us to go. Then the big reveal happens where they pop out and tell us that the gameshow part of it was a hoax just to get us riled up and that we were really on a show about how ex's can still hate each other years later. (which was fucking true) so they really wanted us to stay on since we were the first ones knocked out of the fake part of the show and help them fuck with the folks still in the game show part and make their lives miserable. They offered me a shit load of money for doing this. I told them once it hit my bank account I would sign on to pester and annoy anyone they wanted. (yeah for a paycheck in my dreams I will sell out at the drop of a fucking hat man, good to know I guess) So then we had to tell the folk still on the show that our tickets to fly back to Texas were not for another month and so the show was putting us up until we could go home. We then set about causing fights and being assholes to all the fuckers on the show and ruining peoples chances. (I must say that the dream version of my ex wife is even more annoying than she was in real life) and then at one point I could not find my ex and for almost a whole day we ran around looking for her (me and one of the assistant producers of the show) only to find out that she had come back to the hotel room while were out looking for her. We get back there and knock on her door and she opens it up and a cloud of smoke rolls out... she found someone to sell her some crack and she was blitzed out of her mind. I lost my shit, I started screaming at her about how we were getting paid thousands and thousands of dollars and she was ruining everything with her stupid fucking crack and then another reveal from the cameraman letting me know that the this was a I hate my ex show and the whole thing had been designed to get us mad as each other, and that she had told them the night before that the thing that got me yelling at her the most was when she was uselessly stoned and fucking trashed. So they hooked her up. Well about 10 minutes later I had killed both my exwife and the camera crew, and the crew in the remote van in the parking lot of the hotel, and I was holding the camera in my face screaming at America to stop watching such stupid fucking tv shows and that this was not entertainment it was fucking pathetically stupid. and then I looked down and saw that the blood of all those I had murdered was dripping from me so much that it had made a pool in the lens of the camera. I looked down close to it and a hand reached out of it to pull me into it's viscous depths, and then I woke up...

The Dream Trick...

Well My name is T. Patrick Rooney and welcome to my blog, I am going to use this blog to try to keep track of the insane dreams and odd thoughts, that I have been having lately and to help me work out how to shoe-horn said dreams and imaginings into my fiction. Oh, I am a writer I write stuff for The Library of the Living Dead most of the time with a few other things out there as well.
So here we go Wednesday night I dreamed I was walking down a long beach it extended in both directions as far as the eye could see and I was walking toward the setting sun, so I was going west I don't know if that is significant because it could very easily have been a sunrise, but the sun never moved and the sky held its orange-ish-red fire in it the whole time I was dreaming...but I digress...
Ok so I am walking down this endless beach, the sky overhead is a rippling fire of sunset and the beach is bleached white sand as if it was made of powdered bones.  Speaking of bones the one time I did look to my left, away from the endlessly rolling waves crashing into the beach, I saw a demolished city, the half-collapsed skyscrapers reaching like skeletal bones grasping at the sky they once ruled. I didn't like the look of certain round craters in the rubble, something about high-yield bombs going off in residential sections of the city make me want to avert my eyes...
 So I continue down the beach and I find a section of two by four. This plank of wood is all crusted with sand at one end and the other end has been carved into what looks like a good approximation of a cricket bat handle. There is even some duct tape about the handle end. It is way too long to be a cricket bat though it is almost as if it was not finished before being abandoned here on the beach. I run my hands up the wood until I get to the sand-encrusted end of the thing and I start to knock the sand off with my thumb. After a while I get up to the end of the thing and I find that it is rotted on the end both of the wide faces of the two by four are ok but the narrow sides are rotted back into the center. I knock more sand off of it and I find a tiny dead snake in the sand. I stare at it for a long time its one eye is gone and the other is milky and diseased-looking. I keep walking down the back and I grab the handle end of the stick and I bash it on the sand as I walk dislodging more and more encrusted sand and also about four or five of the baby snakes. I spin the end back toward me and I look at the rotted wood and there still clinging somehow to the wood is the milky-eyed snake.
It looks up at me and cocks it's head to the side like a dog examining something its milky eye seeming to see right through me...
and then I woke up...