The Tv Nightmare

Ok I don't watch TV, because I fucking hate it. I cannot stand the commercials and I hate reality TV shows they piss me off and back in January of 2010 I called up Verizon and I had them turn off my cable TV. Guess what... I didn't die at all, you see I never watched the damn TV as a TV at all, I have over 600 movies and I love watching them and I found myself not having watched TV at all for months and I decided why pay over $50 a month for something you don't even watch at all. Now obviously when I tell people that I don't have cable TV they seem to wonder how I can live and if I am human at all. I assure I am human, I have my doubts however about all of you. Here are some reason's why.
1. You schedule your lifes around what time the shows you want to watch come on, you DVR them and watch them over and over, so why not just wait for the DVD to come out?
2. You try to get your friends (IE me) interested in the reality shows you watch, in fact somehow you think they are so interesting that you blather on and fucking on about them to such a degree that you can pretty much be assured that there is no chance in fucking hell that I will watch even a split second of those shows ever. And yes in case your wondering I have never watched American Idle, Survivor, Jersey Shore or any of the other bullshit shows out there, fuck 'em.
3. You insist that this or that show is the best show you have ever seen in your life and that you would "literally DIE" <-- your words, if you could not watch this particular show. Let me assure you that I go and get disc one of those shows once they come out from netflix and I could give a fuck less, I am not impressed at all. The only shows I have been impressed with lately are not even on the air anymore and haven't been for years. Like Soprano's, Rome, Deadwood and Dead Like Me. Those were good shows but they were still not enough to make me want to waste $50+ extra dollars each month just to have TV and watch them.
People seem to be under the impression that they would have nothing to do if they didn't have TV to watch and I have to assure you that there is a vast and amazing life to be had out there in the world once you turn off the fucking TV and get your ass up off the goddamn couch and go find it.
Here are some things you can do without ever having to turn on the tv.
1. READ A MOTHER FUCKING BOOK! Yeah, put down the remote control, get up off the mother fucking couch and go to the library (they are FREE stupid!) and get yourself some books. For all of you people who seem to shockingly take a massive amount of pride in the fact that your "Not a Reader" and you have not read a book since high school, I feel sad for you, I truly do. This is NOT something you should be proud of at all, it is in fact shameful and you should have to hang your head low in public and not be able to meet the eyes of your peers who know that there are no life lessons to be learned on the Idiotbox and that your ignorance shows whenever you talk. You sound like an illiterate red-neck dickhole when you brag about not reading.
2. Play a fucking video game! At least you will be working on your hand eye coordination and you can in some case play with people all around the world and get exposed to cultures unlike your own and meet and great folks and begin to understand that those foreigners you claim to hate and are scared of are just as worried about you as you are of them.
3. Go for a walk. Yes outside check it out you don't have to sit for 4-6 hours each night watching other people do things on the TV you can open your fucking door and go outside and do stuff yourself!
4. Go see a movie. Yes again outside, the experience of going to the theatre is a blast and the thing is that pretty much all the towns across this great land have a $1 theatre somewhere go there and watch some flicks it is fun.
5. Go to a bar and hang out with your friends, they miss you.
So you see there is a few things you can do without having to sit for countless hours not doing anything at all yet watching other people doing stuff.  You see there is a reason they call the bullshit you watch reality tv. It is what is going on outside your house while you planted on your couch doing jack-shit. Turn that shit off and go read a fucking book, your vocabulary will thank you for it.
Fun Fact: I can tell within two sentences of meeting a new person if someone is a reader or not.
Once again let me stress bragging about being ignorant isn't cute or quirky it is just plain stupid.
Now on to the dream from last night.
Ok the thing is I went on and on just now about the TV and my hatred there-of so that you could understand why this dream was so terrifying to me.
I dreamed last night that I got invited to be on a reality show. You see my ex-wife entered some contest and won and she tried to get in with her new husband but they said they would only have her on the show if she could find someone she didn't get along very well with. She tried to talk me into it, I told her to fuck off. She then for once in her life got smart and had them contact me and tell me how much money they were going to give me and how the last author who went on the show sold millions of copies of his book. They said this authors name, I saw a big fucking payday...and I .... caved-in and agreed to be on the show.
They put us up in this massive hotel downtown and the room was big and nice, we each had our own suite off of the main room and it was ok. The show (which I never found out the name for) seemed to change as we went along. Turns out my ex-wife got us involved in a prank show. There was some sort of obstacle course in the pretend part of the show and it was very long and tough and made ya feel very gerbil in a habitrail'ish. But once that was over and she got stuck on something and we lost (in the first round of the competition I might add) it was time for us to go. Then the big reveal happens where they pop out and tell us that the gameshow part of it was a hoax just to get us riled up and that we were really on a show about how ex's can still hate each other years later. (which was fucking true) so they really wanted us to stay on since we were the first ones knocked out of the fake part of the show and help them fuck with the folks still in the game show part and make their lives miserable. They offered me a shit load of money for doing this. I told them once it hit my bank account I would sign on to pester and annoy anyone they wanted. (yeah for a paycheck in my dreams I will sell out at the drop of a fucking hat man, good to know I guess) So then we had to tell the folk still on the show that our tickets to fly back to Texas were not for another month and so the show was putting us up until we could go home. We then set about causing fights and being assholes to all the fuckers on the show and ruining peoples chances. (I must say that the dream version of my ex wife is even more annoying than she was in real life) and then at one point I could not find my ex and for almost a whole day we ran around looking for her (me and one of the assistant producers of the show) only to find out that she had come back to the hotel room while were out looking for her. We get back there and knock on her door and she opens it up and a cloud of smoke rolls out... she found someone to sell her some crack and she was blitzed out of her mind. I lost my shit, I started screaming at her about how we were getting paid thousands and thousands of dollars and she was ruining everything with her stupid fucking crack and then another reveal from the cameraman letting me know that the this was a I hate my ex show and the whole thing had been designed to get us mad as each other, and that she had told them the night before that the thing that got me yelling at her the most was when she was uselessly stoned and fucking trashed. So they hooked her up. Well about 10 minutes later I had killed both my exwife and the camera crew, and the crew in the remote van in the parking lot of the hotel, and I was holding the camera in my face screaming at America to stop watching such stupid fucking tv shows and that this was not entertainment it was fucking pathetically stupid. and then I looked down and saw that the blood of all those I had murdered was dripping from me so much that it had made a pool in the lens of the camera. I looked down close to it and a hand reached out of it to pull me into it's viscous depths, and then I woke up...