Bizarro job...

All right so last night I dreamed that I work in publishing Bizarro books, but while eraserhead is on the 8th floor of the building along with avant punk, and deadite press, the rest of the imprints go down in floors and then get to the lowest level, which was the imprint that I ran, on the first floor. Scabby Goat Waffle books was the imprint I ran, and I came to work everyday in this huge Cadillac from the '70s it was convertible and pink... Two of my employees were even bigger Carlton Mellick fans than I am and they were trying to grow out their mutton chops but only to pitiful effect. I would get there in the morning, which it seems important to note that the two guys who I car pool with to work each day always ask me to stop at this or that store to get this or that to eat or drink and I always agree and tell them that sounds great lets do it. and then I never stop and just haul ass right to work...But when I get there in the morning I would always see people getting set up for their presentations for one of the imprints up on the higher floors, and I would gaze in wonder at how fancy they were because the people who send me stuff to try to get it published, usually sent it in a shabby manilla envelope often with food and blood stains on it. I did get to sit in a morning meeting with the heads of each floor with Rose OKeefe but she was always so busy talking with the cool dept heads from the other floors that I never get a chance to even get within 12 feet of her. She once waved at me as the elevator doors closed though... I swear she did..

Flooded Garage...

Last night I dreamed that I worked at a large newspaper downtown, they have a huge underground parking lot. In the lot there is only one level that is on the ground floor the other three levels are under ground, well the parking garage floods. It is filled up with dark murky water and alot of people lost their cars down in there. They have a structural engineer come out and he cannot figure out how to drain the water since they don't know where it came from in the first place, they also don't know why it flooded now instead of years ago when they first put the thing in. So then everyone is taking turns with this wetsuit one of the execs bought and diving down to their car and grabbing cd's and such. Of course there is something in the water, and it yanks the scuba mask off of this lady while she is down there. Just as she turns to see what it was that grabbed her ...I wake up

Washed-Out Comic Pancakes...

So last night I had a two part dream that first involved me selling a ton of novels and getting pretty rich, well rich enough to never have to work again anyhow. So I was somehow at a huge banquet charity dinner type thing and all of these obnoxious rich people were there, including Paris Hilton and her parents. (I don't know if she has parents or anything about them but the guy in my dream who played her dad was a cross between the professor from Gilligan's island and the monopoly man) So her dad liked my book and he asks me when it is going to be made into a movie. I tell him that at the moment there is no movie option for the book. He tells me that is a damn shame and that since he had bought a movie production company for his daughter, so he could pretend she was an actress, that he could swing a deal my way. I say that would be great and he tells me to come by his house and bring my lawyer and agent and we can talk it through. Well that is great but he then turns and goes on talking with other crazy rich people and I cannot get him to notice me again, because in the dream I have no clue where he lives and no idea who might be able to tell me how to get there. In the dream I take off after that once I see Paris, her sister and two of their friends drop their dresses to the floor revealing bikinis underneath which they use to jump into this big wading pool in the lobby of the place.
So I get out of there and it was so dumb that it almost woke me up because the next thing I know I am driving home but I decide that I am hungry so I flip it around and go to try to find a place to eat.... mind you I just came from a charity dinner but the food was all french and such tiny portions that I didn't feel like I had eaten at all.
I find an Ihop and I stop there, they tell me that it will be forty five minutes to seat me, and I am laughing and turning to leave when a big loud voice rises over the hub-bub of the place shouting my name. I turn around and I see this guy frantically waving at me, it is my old friend Fred. Now I have not seen Fred since 1996, when he dropped off the map completely. In my dream Fred wasn't just a guy who did video production with me, he was a guy who did open mic nights with me back before my novel hit. We had both washed out of stand-up comedy completely but old Fred still remembered me. Now when I knew him in life old Fred was clean shaven except for this thick C.H.I.P.s mustache but no beard for the most part, that I recall and sorta metal with ya know Megadeth tshirts and what not. In my dream Fred has grown out the biggest most moth-eaten wino-beard you have ever seen in your life. He has me sit down across from him and he says
"Hey man I saw you standing there and I thought well, I don't mind a little catching up from the old days, but tell me are you a waiter now?" Fred asks, eying me as I sit down across from him.
"No, I am not a waiter, I was just at a charity fundraiser and it was black-tie, yeah back in the old stand-up days I never would have thought I would own a tux," I reply.
"Oh here is the food, right on time," He says, and we both lean back at the waitress arrives with two huge stacks of pancakes.
She places the pancakes on the table between us and and smiles and starts to move off,
"Hey keep 'em coming and another plate of pancakes for my friend here," he tells her, she nods back at him and vanishes into the crowd.
"While she is bringing you some food dig into this stack here," He says.
Strangely he has slid both stacks of pancakes off of their plates and onto the table itself. I look at him and he explains that he likes to eat as wee were meant to eat.
He then sets aside the knife and fork, and he pours syrup over both stacks of pancakes right on the table and he reaches over to one and tears off a little bit of the top one and pops it into his mouth and then noisily licks off his fingers. I just stare at him in horror, and he continues to ignore me and smack his lips around the pancakes and make all kindsa yummy noises and lick the syrup off his fingers like he is a chick in a porn licking a cock, by jamming his fingers into his mouth and moaning around each one, like he is roughly fingering his own mouth.
Needless to say this was so gross it woke me...I don't think I want to ever eat pancakes again....

The Celebrity Move...

Last night I dreamed that after 42 years my mom was leaving my dad and needed help moving her stuff into her new house. For some reason the house looked exactly like my grandparents old house back in Muncie, Indiana. Also for some reason an old friend of mine from Tulsa was there helping us move mom as well. His name is Casper except that even though when you were right next to him and such he was just the same as always, from a distance of even three feet away he was replaced by D.L. Hughley... So D.L. brought a ton of his Hollywood friends over to help the move and it was amazing, except that once you got closer than 3 feet from them they turned from celebrities into normal folks who just wanted to help mom move... Mel Gibson (circa road warrior), Jeffrey Combs, Bruce Campbell, Kurt Russell, Dolly Parton, Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Tina Fey, Elizabeth Shue, Jane Curtain, Catherine O'Hara, and Robert Rodriguez, were just a few of the people that showed up... except it really wasn't them once you got close to them...

it was really bizarre...

Bizarro Dogs...

So last night I dreamed that dogs rebelled against us and tried to take over the world, some of the dogs however were traitors to the dog cause because they loved to have their bellies scratched. One lab in particular got into our human compound on the pretense that he was a belly rub lover and  once he got in and got belly rubs from all of us, he shit out to full-grown live boars who went ballistic and started killing everyone.... it was surreal...

Sith Academy

So I dreamed last night that my old junior high school was actually now a jedi Academy and it was translocated to the base of this huge cliff on top of which were the ruins of my old elementary school which was a former Sith academy now closed. The reason was that the government had decided to not play favorites and to make the school to house both types of students but the fighting was uncontrolable so they separated the beliefs into two separate schools and that was no better because then the Sith and Jedi would raid each others schools. So when I arrived we were going up to the Sith academy ruins to look for any survivors because rumor had it that the last Sith was being kept there semi-alive... And he was indeed he was dead but being held restrained and there was this panel on the wall that was holding him there. well it got hit with a lightsaber, possibly mine and he woke up. so then we spent like 20 minutes stabbing him in the head with our lightsabers and having him instantly heal the damage and wake back up. it was wild... he of course got away a few minutes later... and when someone asked what his name had been so we would know who to chase down.. it ended up that his name was my name... and I woke up...